Move over Dina Lohan there is a new crappy mom in town and she ain't playin around.

In an attempt to be the most embarrasing and whorry celebrity mom ever, Justin Beiber's mom is allegedly entertaining an offer to pose in playboy.  That's the spirit.  If you keep heading in the right direction Justin Beiber will be flashing his vagina to the papparazzi and having a Britney style melt down in no time.

Nicole Richie should really try to have more attractive babies

I was reading about how Nicole Richie's DUI probation got extended when I noticed that her baby is not attractive, and is a little overweight (alledgedly).  Someone needs to get this baby on a treadmill and to Dr. 90210 STAT.

Michael Jackson was probably killed by Chris Hansen

It's been a year since Michael Jackson died and we still haven't seemed to have found a replacement molester.  Probably because Chris Hansen is scaring the shit out of all of them.  I know.....inappropriate.....but go Dateline!

Robert Pattinson is grossing me out

Today I saw a preview for whatever the hell Twilight movie they are on now, and it was Robert Pattinson without his T-shirt on, and it almost made me vomit.  I really don't understand what is so attractive about a skinny extremely pale man who looks like he has hepatitus.  Can't we just find a happy medium between Jersey Shore Orange, and Hi I have a terminal illness white?  PS: When you add glitter it just makes this situation grosser.  PPS: The preview I saw did not contained the airbrushed in abs. 

Katherine Jackson is about as broke and Lindsay Lohan is sober....whatever that means :)

Speaking of Michael Jackson apparently his mom is broke as a joke.........I guess that $753 MILLION DOLLARS that dead MJ's estate made wasn't enough to keep her financially stable.  WTF-ever. The only way I would find this even remotely believable is if I found out Joe Jackson killed Katherine Jackson and was dressing up as her and pretending to be broke to try and hoard more money.  Which is completely logical and believable.  

Shawn Johnson update...ok not an update b/c this is the first time I've written about her

I guess Shawn Johnson is criticising Alabama police because they pulled over her stalker who told them he was on his way to "see Shawn Johnson and get her to marry him" or something like that (don't take my quotation marks too seriously here).  So she is mad that they didn't detain him after that. 
A) Clearly you missed the "Alabama" part, you are lucky they figured out how to turn on the lights and sirens.
 
B) Nobody really knows who you are you chubby little bastard, just a news flash, you aren't Oprah.

And C) I didn't read the entire story so there may have been more clues that would have led to an arrest but this happened in Alabama so what do you really expect.

Miley Cyrus wants to out herpe Paris Hilton

Miley Cyrus has(allegedly) been running around like a $2 hooker flashing her underage vagina to anyone that will look.  So I'm guessing that this is her way of challenging Paris Hilton to a whore duel. May the biggest slut win.

Amanda Bynes retires.....no one cares

No one even knows who Amanda Bynes is really but apparently she likes black dudes and is retiring.  I was wondering if the following people could follow her lead and also retire: 

1. Kristin Stewart:  I'm tired of you whining about how hard it is to be famous.  You have got to be the shittiest actress I have personally seen on screen.  If being famous is "like being raped" I hope you get gang raped by some talent and a decent personality soon because I can't handle much more of you. 

2.  Hiedi Montag:  Speaking of people with no personalities, you are basically an extremely sophisticated form of a blow up doll.  Take your giant bowling ball boobs and scram. (Spencer, you can stay because you are completely ridiculous to the point where it's hilarious)

3.  Lindsay Lohan:  I was ok with watching you try to convince the world that you are high on life and nothing else, until you single handedly (not a fact just my assumption FYI) managed to get Kombucha banned in the United States.  Good job dumb-ass.  You don't really have a career to retire from, but you still won't go away for some reason.

4.  Megan Fox:  You are at least good looking but I'm tired of listening to you talk.  Go spend a night with Joran Van Der Sloot. 

Stinky McPoopants.

I just want to introduce the newest writer on my blog.  Check out his profile ladies because he just became single and available.  He is a 42 year old unemployed (unless you consider writing on this crappy blog a job) ex male model (he modeled as the "after" photo in the faces of meth campaign.)  He owns a double wide trailer with an above ground pool and faux wood paneling, enjoys watching fishing and hunting shows all day long on his big screen television (yes you read that right, big screen television), collecting broke down cars, and wearing camo.  He loves a woman who will wear "clitter" ( glitter for the........I'll let you figure that one out), and go to the all you can eat buffet with him.  I am proud to have snagged him as a writer on my blog.

Dear Germany....when it comes to finding a mega-star......NAILED IT

Meet Dale Dutes

Dale Dutes.  29 years old, currently resides  Glory Glass Mobile Home Estates with his mother.  Dale (named after Dale Earnhardt) is a mama's boy who never quite made it out of the nest.  Dale enjoys hanging out with his mom while she chain smokes and taking care of his cat Delores, which his brothers (who each have mobile homes of their own in the park) refer to as "clitoris" to upset him.  His usual attire of choice is the perfectly good wool sweater that his gran-mama found in the dumpster a few years back, but he can occasionally be found wearing his elastic ankle sweatpants velcro sneakers and fanny pack when he is in a "sporty" mood or getting pumped up to watch NASCAR with Delores (clitoris).  

If you are curious about Chelsea's sex life you should buy her book

Radar online is sticking to their guns. If you are curios about Chelseas's sex lif you should buy her book "My Horizontal Life" she not shy about anything.  It's worth the read.  I'm pretty sure no one knows more about Chelsea's sex life than her.

Mistress #2 wouldn't have allowed penetration if she knew about the kid

Jesse James's Mistress # 2 says she wouldn't have slept with him if she knew about the adoption.  Wow, you should get the humanitarian of the year award.  So him having a wife wasn't a deterrant you dumb bimbo?  I'm not buying it.

Leo DiCaprio might be feeling itchy soon

Paris Hilton was spotted partying with Leo DiCaprio, and I'm not saying that Paris Hilton has herpes (even though she didn't pay her storage bill and the contents were auctioned off, and this was one of them: http://thegossiper.typepad.com/.a/6a0120a5b83330970c0120a64b02b0970c-500wi ) and I'm also not saying that they had sex.  But hypothetically if they did have sex, I bet he has herpes now too.  Hypothetically.

Katie Holmes is still alive and being controlled by a nintendo controller

Tom Cruise is allowing his robot Katie Holmes to act again....in a History Channel mini-series.  She will be playing Jackie Kennedy which I actually think is a good fit for her.  Hopefully someone there will help her escape  from that maniac Tom Cruise.  It might be a lost cause because I am convinced that he put her under anesthesia and removed her brain, replacing it with a computer motherboard that he controls.

Bret Michaels is planning a comeback tour

Bret Michaels is already making plans to get back on stage.  You can't keep a good man down.  He's also probably stoked about all of the sympathy poon he will get.  bom-chick-a-bow-bow.   Also I don't know if this picture is real, but it makes me think he has fake hair attached to his bandanna.  And that he could be a woman if he wanted.to.

Chelsea Handler responds to sex tape rumors with a verbal bitch slap

Everyone who knows me, knows I have a real problem for anyone that messes with Chelsea Handler-Lately.  Well, the idiots at Radar Online are trying to threaten Chelsea with the release of a sex tape.  The only problem with this is the face that the tape was made as a joke and has been on her audition tapes.  In an even stupider move they basically tried to blackmail Chelsea, offering to sell her own audition tape back to her for 1 million dollars.  I would like to know who the genius at radar online is who found a comedians audition tape and took it seriously. I will go out on a limb and say that person has probably never had sex in their adult life, unless you count the sex they have had with their own hand. Here is a link to Chelsea giving radar online the verbal bitch-slap: Chelsea's message to Radar Online  As a side note to Michelle Bombshell who has had a lot to say about Chelsea, you have probably made dozens of sex tapes which are not even close to being worth a million dollars so go stick another penis in your mouth you filthy whore.  

Gavin Rossdale stuck his penis in Courtney Love's hole of death

Courtney Love is pathetic and has no relevance so she has come out to the press saying that she used to get boned by Gavin Rossdale while he was with Gwen Stefani.  Which is weird because Courtney love is like a less attractive, less cool, less talented, more cracked out, dead corpse looking version of Gwen Stefani. It's like Gavin Rossdale decided, you know what I love gagging during sex, I'm gonna hit that shit.

Kate Gosselin shows off her abs via cameltoe vision

Kate Gosselin showed off her DWTS abs and camel-toe today.  I mean she probably has her pants hiked up to her neck because she only wants to show off the upper part of her abs which everyone knows is much easier to shape up than the lower abs. So when faced with a choice of spare-tire or camel-toe, she went with camel-toe.  Her poor vagina has been through so much abuse between the like 10 kids, and the fake penetration from Jon's tiny penis.  I feel like maybe she should give it a break.

George Castanza's face is so fat it's affecting his vision

Jason Alexander is turning into such a fat turd that it is causing his face to swell and his eyes to become small slits.  Which caused him to run over a 14 year old on a bike.  Somebody needs to get a little more serious about Jenny Craig.