Kevin Federline is a fat turd and when I say fat I mean FAT

So I have started watching Celebrity Fat Club today, and first of all I have a real problem with the name of this show. The cast of fat turds includes some old dude from skid row, some fat chick from High School Musical, Some fat gay bastard from Project Runway or something like that, Tanisha the big fat whale from Bad Girls Club, Bobby 'I'm not so skinny since I stopped smoking crack' Brown, some chunker butt from Baywatch, Kevin 'fatass' Federline and his ex wife Char Jackson. So 'celebrity' is basically a lie. "Fat washed up D list celebrities that got really fat" or "I was a loser and now I'm still a loser but also a big fat turd look at me" would be more realistic. So now that we have gotten that out of the way let's just jump right into K-Feds enormous ass. I have hated Kevin Federline for as long as I have known he was alive. So I didn't think that this would be any different, however when he introduced himself as Kevin "fatass" Federline, a scary thought flashed through my mind.....he may win me over at some point. If K-fat somehow turns everything he touches into garbage. Exhibit A: Char Jackson...they posted a picture of her on the show from back in the day...and she was one hot piece of ass......then K-fat happened. Exhibit B: Brittany Spears.....I don't even have to elaborate he literally made her into the queen of trailer trash. Can someone tell me how his retarded sperm is actually capable of impregnating everything it touches. It seems like the sperm would just drooling and swimming in a circle confused, but how is somehow finding its way to and fertalizing eggs is evolution beyond my understanding. Also can I just point out to Kevin and Brittany that two wrongs generally don't make a right...and while a small miracle could occur and one of your children might end up normal.......I wouldn't count on it (it's okay, I doubt either one of you can actually count anyways so forget I mentioned it). So heres to K-fed (that fat lazy bastard) and his retarded but determined sperm winning me over.

Just a quick thought

Do you think that if Lindsay Lohan died and her body was cremated instead of ashes you would get cocaine?

Please wash your hands after using the restroom....thanks

So just in case you didn't know that it's disgusting when you don't wash your hands after going to the bathroom, I am here to tell you that it is completely unacceptable. First of all lets start with the fact that you wipe your ass, and granted you are not wiping your ass with your hands (I hope) however, your hands are still in close proximity your ass, and your lady parts, and if you are a guy you are either wiping your ass or actually touching your junk. Another thing to think about....whose ass was on that toilet before you? You have no idea, who they were, what they were up to, or where they have been with that ass. Now if you are like me you flush the toilet with your foot, however if you are not like me you touch the flusher which has had way to many other ass hands touching it. Then the ass hand touches the slidy thing that locks the door (or if you are like me you use a piece of toilet paper). Now here is where things can go badly awry. If you walk out of the bathroom without washing your hands, you are a disgusting turdface, and you have feces on your hands, so when you grab onto that sandwich to take a bite, remember you are literally eating a shit sandwich. Now, lets bring up a couple more things that happen, Bobby Turdface didn't wash their hands, so now there disgusting poop covered ass hand touches the door handled and leaves. This is why I reccomend a couple of things. Wash your hands in hot water (scalding if you can handle it) use soap, and really scrub, then grab a paper towel and turn off the sink (remember several ass hands have touched the handle while in the process of washing their hands, so if you touch it again with your hand, you have asshand again.) Then use the papertowel to open the door that Bobby turdface and his unwashed asshand have touched. If there is a nearby garbage can and you can prop the door open by only holding it with your foot, throw your papertowel in that garbage can, if there is not a garbage can near the door feel free to throw your papertowel on the ground as the management of that facility needs to be educated on how not to spread ass hand and should put a garbage can nearby. Now you have made it out of the bathroom asshand free. Congratulations.

Spencer Pratt wants to look like a halloween costume too

Spencer Pratt might be blind, so if your an eye doctor please send him some glasses. Apparently after seeing Hiedi's transformation into a blow up doll, he wants to get some work done himself. I thought you had your douchiness tapped out but somehow you managed to dig deep and find more.

If anyone wants to know what herpes looks like your in luck

In case you missed sex ed in the 7th grade, and you want to know what herpes looks like, Paris Hilton has been exposing her vagina non-stop. So I'm pretty sure that it probably just looks like one giant herpe by now considering I can't even count the number of guys that she has(n't) banged. Although according to her the number is like 2 or 5. I think she is missing a couple of zeros on the end of those numbers.

Tiger Woods you did forget someone in your apology

So, allegedly a number of the hoochies on the laundry list of skanks that Tiger Woods has banged are upset because he didn't include them in the fake apology that was aired on tv. Honestly I am a little confused about what exactley they would like him to apologize for. I'm pretty sure that most of the ladies were paid prostitutes....and for the one (maybe two at max) that were not hookers....you know you were high fiving the shit out of yourself after you started banging Tiger Woods. It was probably the best thing that has ever happened to you in your entire life. Oh wait...you didn't know he was married right??? You really expect the world to believe that you fame sucking bimbo's had no clue.....come on, you banged him, you high fived yourself because you thought you hit the jackpot, and then you probably went home and googled him. Tiger Woods, the only thing you forgot in your fake apology was your penis. You owe your penis a huge apology, I have seen what you have put him through and in. I hope in sex rehab they are dedicating a therapist to your penis so that he has some support and can get over some of the disgusting things you have put him through. Your penis is the real victim in all of this.

Welcome

I don't really know who I am welcoming since my only followers will probably be my mom and my best pal....but if you are following welcome to my blog which will consist of my opinion on lots of useless information that has no substance. I hope you enjoy.