Move over Dina Lohan there is a new crappy mom in town and she ain't playin around.

In an attempt to be the most embarrasing and whorry celebrity mom ever, Justin Beiber's mom is allegedly entertaining an offer to pose in playboy.  That's the spirit.  If you keep heading in the right direction Justin Beiber will be flashing his vagina to the papparazzi and having a Britney style melt down in no time.

Nicole Richie should really try to have more attractive babies

I was reading about how Nicole Richie's DUI probation got extended when I noticed that her baby is not attractive, and is a little overweight (alledgedly).  Someone needs to get this baby on a treadmill and to Dr. 90210 STAT.

Michael Jackson was probably killed by Chris Hansen

It's been a year since Michael Jackson died and we still haven't seemed to have found a replacement molester.  Probably because Chris Hansen is scaring the shit out of all of them.  I know.....inappropriate.....but go Dateline!

Robert Pattinson is grossing me out

Today I saw a preview for whatever the hell Twilight movie they are on now, and it was Robert Pattinson without his T-shirt on, and it almost made me vomit.  I really don't understand what is so attractive about a skinny extremely pale man who looks like he has hepatitus.  Can't we just find a happy medium between Jersey Shore Orange, and Hi I have a terminal illness white?  PS: When you add glitter it just makes this situation grosser.  PPS: The preview I saw did not contained the airbrushed in abs. 

Katherine Jackson is about as broke and Lindsay Lohan is sober....whatever that means :)

Speaking of Michael Jackson apparently his mom is broke as a joke.........I guess that $753 MILLION DOLLARS that dead MJ's estate made wasn't enough to keep her financially stable.  WTF-ever. The only way I would find this even remotely believable is if I found out Joe Jackson killed Katherine Jackson and was dressing up as her and pretending to be broke to try and hoard more money.  Which is completely logical and believable.  

Shawn Johnson update...ok not an update b/c this is the first time I've written about her

I guess Shawn Johnson is criticising Alabama police because they pulled over her stalker who told them he was on his way to "see Shawn Johnson and get her to marry him" or something like that (don't take my quotation marks too seriously here).  So she is mad that they didn't detain him after that. 
A) Clearly you missed the "Alabama" part, you are lucky they figured out how to turn on the lights and sirens.
 
B) Nobody really knows who you are you chubby little bastard, just a news flash, you aren't Oprah.

And C) I didn't read the entire story so there may have been more clues that would have led to an arrest but this happened in Alabama so what do you really expect.

Miley Cyrus wants to out herpe Paris Hilton

Miley Cyrus has(allegedly) been running around like a $2 hooker flashing her underage vagina to anyone that will look.  So I'm guessing that this is her way of challenging Paris Hilton to a whore duel. May the biggest slut win.

Amanda Bynes retires.....no one cares

No one even knows who Amanda Bynes is really but apparently she likes black dudes and is retiring.  I was wondering if the following people could follow her lead and also retire: 

1. Kristin Stewart:  I'm tired of you whining about how hard it is to be famous.  You have got to be the shittiest actress I have personally seen on screen.  If being famous is "like being raped" I hope you get gang raped by some talent and a decent personality soon because I can't handle much more of you. 

2.  Hiedi Montag:  Speaking of people with no personalities, you are basically an extremely sophisticated form of a blow up doll.  Take your giant bowling ball boobs and scram. (Spencer, you can stay because you are completely ridiculous to the point where it's hilarious)

3.  Lindsay Lohan:  I was ok with watching you try to convince the world that you are high on life and nothing else, until you single handedly (not a fact just my assumption FYI) managed to get Kombucha banned in the United States.  Good job dumb-ass.  You don't really have a career to retire from, but you still won't go away for some reason.

4.  Megan Fox:  You are at least good looking but I'm tired of listening to you talk.  Go spend a night with Joran Van Der Sloot. 

Stinky McPoopants.

I just want to introduce the newest writer on my blog.  Check out his profile ladies because he just became single and available.  He is a 42 year old unemployed (unless you consider writing on this crappy blog a job) ex male model (he modeled as the "after" photo in the faces of meth campaign.)  He owns a double wide trailer with an above ground pool and faux wood paneling, enjoys watching fishing and hunting shows all day long on his big screen television (yes you read that right, big screen television), collecting broke down cars, and wearing camo.  He loves a woman who will wear "clitter" ( glitter for the........I'll let you figure that one out), and go to the all you can eat buffet with him.  I am proud to have snagged him as a writer on my blog.

Dear Germany....when it comes to finding a mega-star......NAILED IT

Meet Dale Dutes

Dale Dutes.  29 years old, currently resides  Glory Glass Mobile Home Estates with his mother.  Dale (named after Dale Earnhardt) is a mama's boy who never quite made it out of the nest.  Dale enjoys hanging out with his mom while she chain smokes and taking care of his cat Delores, which his brothers (who each have mobile homes of their own in the park) refer to as "clitoris" to upset him.  His usual attire of choice is the perfectly good wool sweater that his gran-mama found in the dumpster a few years back, but he can occasionally be found wearing his elastic ankle sweatpants velcro sneakers and fanny pack when he is in a "sporty" mood or getting pumped up to watch NASCAR with Delores (clitoris).